hello.

"Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armor
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her"

this is one of the meaningful lyrics that i've ever heard.

for the past couples of weeks, i wasn't able to settle my mind and focus on one particular thing because i've been bothered by something. my so-called instinct. i can't take my mind off imagining bad things in the future, like a nightmare comes alive. i'm trying so hard to be on the right side but my demons keep pulling me off apart. they keep saying something is happening. its not a bad thing but it can lead to one. they keep beating out my helpless self-conscious. for a while its true. it shatters my trust in no time, tying up my hands behind my back before i can collect them and put it back to one piece. the one you love, that you'd give your arm for and protect them, destroy everything that could harm them, can be the one who backfires you.

i made a few steps, with intention to fix everything hoping to have something good out of it. i guess i over-rode the line and having trouble to get back to the other side. for one time in my life, i'm afraid to move away because i'm not sure if i'm at the wrong side, i'm afraid to stay because i'm not sure if i'm at the right side. i'm losing my grip.

i tried to bend my knees and pray to God, hoping that he's listening to a pray that i rarely do. ya Allah, guide me to the right path and show me how to fight for it. show me how to trust people, give me sign to live peacefully. Amin