soulflyer

2010-10-15T11:54:00.001+08:00

After what happened, a couple of weeks ago, I have re-evaluated some of my opinions and came up with a little adjustment to the conclusions. I hate waiting; I’ve been avoiding it as much as I can because I always think my time is not worth wasting. I realized that it is not something that we have to necessarily dodge. We have to deal with it sometimes. At some point, when I was helpless and too much manly hood to ask for help, the only thing I can do is hope, pray and wait. This time I have to put up too much hope that if it doesn’t work out, it’ll drive me back to the darkville, where I came from at the first place, I supposed. I’m waiting for something significant, anything that I can work it through. For the past few days, I’ve been distracted by friends and her of course. But I know it won’t stay that way any longer. Good things never last, so I’ve heard. So far these distractions seem to be endless. I can enjoy it but not as much as I’m worried that it’s going to end soon. If there is good news, I hope I can reach me anyhow, anyway and let it be as soon as it can be. If it is bad news, I hope it come with an early warning so that it won’t crush me into my nightmare.

I always believe that Karma is weak. They define it as a balance of good and evil in the universe, involves punishment, reward, turning into a new leaf and so on. I see it as a thing that happen to occur at the right timing pattern that can make people think its karma as a balance. I see it as a coincidence, as I said, right-timing. Some people believe that it is fate. I used to believe that it is a balance. After what happened, it changes everything. I can’t blame anyone more than myself. Actually, I can’t blame anyone else at all. Some people spending most of their time suffering than under-going pleasures. Where is the balance in that? Where is the ‘deeds are paid with pleasure, sin with suffer’? I know absolution can come into the flow, but how about the victims that weren’t forgiven? I concluded that whatever Karma wants, you can fight back because Karma is a weak belief.

2010-10-13T08:53:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum
Today is 13th October 2010. By my count its almost 3 months that I haven’t update this blog. So it stinks a little (or much). And by my count its been 7 or 8 months since I got thrown out the university. Everything changes as it supposed to be. My perspective towards life, I lost my aim. After what happened, I reconsidered of going back. But it didn’t last long. My last few months are like a therapy for me. A very terrifying therapy for me.

I was worrying if I could have a decent life. If I have what it takes to carry a responsibility to protect someone else when I can’t even feed myself? Somewhere in August 2010, I started applying for a job. I don’t have the interest in the job, but with desperation, I have to. Because I know in the first place, with what I have, I can’t get a good job. Its been really hard on me. Good thing it didn’t show, I don’t want to panic anybody. I was spending my days hiding what happened even if I know it won’t stay that long. People talk and they don’t talk to themselves, they talk to other people. Leakage all over the places. It wasn’t really big a deal from what I saw. I hope it really wasn’t.

I don’t know if I want to talk about this. When I was having a hard time, something else came up. I’m not sure what it is but it hurts like hell. It feels like someone just grabbed my heart and pulled it out of my chest. The fear of losing someone you really care about really shows in me at that moment. Somewhere along the line, I lost my patience and I threw harsh words to her face. it turned things really bad. I was just closed of being the one to blame even if I wasn’t the one who started it. I can’t blame anyone. I can’t blame her because what she felt was just responses and willing to take whatever the dude offered on the table. She became confused and her feeling s divided. It happens. For 7 years, I thought that was merely impossible to happen but it did. Her fear was justified because this is the first time. I tried to do what’s right to satisfy everyone, even if it includes me. But its so hard. The dude at the other hand was being a stranger. I can’t comment about this guy, I don’t even know him. but from what I saw, he was reasonable. He was being quiet, maybe muttered somewhere and finally the confessions came up.
So then I tried to talk it out with her. I tried to talk with the other guy but he never give me that chance. Everything turned out so well at the moment. Deep down inside, I’m still not over it. I’m not hurt, I’m just curious. He knows that things would hardly works out between them unless I stepped out. Why did he start it? i really wants to know this reason, I need it above all. I’m just waiting for the right moment.

p/s: knowing someone you love is loving someone else is never good.

2010-07-19T10:14:00.002+08:00

hello.

"Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armor
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her"

this is one of the meaningful lyrics that i've ever heard.

for the past couples of weeks, i wasn't able to settle my mind and focus on one particular thing because i've been bothered by something. my so-called instinct. i can't take my mind off imagining bad things in the future, like a nightmare comes alive. i'm trying so hard to be on the right side but my demons keep pulling me off apart. they keep saying something is happening. its not a bad thing but it can lead to one. they keep beating out my helpless self-conscious. for a while its true. it shatters my trust in no time, tying up my hands behind my back before i can collect them and put it back to one piece. the one you love, that you'd give your arm for and protect them, destroy everything that could harm them, can be the one who backfires you.

i made a few steps, with intention to fix everything hoping to have something good out of it. i guess i over-rode the line and having trouble to get back to the other side. for one time in my life, i'm afraid to move away because i'm not sure if i'm at the wrong side, i'm afraid to stay because i'm not sure if i'm at the right side. i'm losing my grip.

i tried to bend my knees and pray to God, hoping that he's listening to a pray that i rarely do. ya Allah, guide me to the right path and show me how to fight for it. show me how to trust people, give me sign to live peacefully. Amin

2010-06-26T09:08:00.006+08:00

when you get bored

2010-06-15T23:11:00.002+08:00

aku sudah jalan2 banyak sama Abd Rahim dan Bungsu Jatul di Kota Kinabalu. ini dua orang budak cousin saya juga. banyak gauk ini dua orang, jalan2 saja kerja. sudah pergi itu KK Plaza, Centerpoint, Warisan Square dan mcm2 lagi. hari2 banyak letih. hahaha..mengarut.

kelmarin aku dan kerabat cousin, inda semua, telah pergi bercuti ke Kota Kinabalu utk bersiar-siar. bangun pagi bukan lagi kerja senang bagiku. sudah bertahun ku meninggalkan kerja yg sukar ini. bangun pukul 5:45am, tapi disebabkan aku gerak macam siput sedut, maka ahirlah kami blah..dalam pukul 7:45am. dalam perjalanan aku tidor.

dtg KK kul 11:30am, then tarus check in. abis check in then punggah barang, tarus jalan2. aku dalam keadaan broke pun eksen2 jua macam urang beusin. hahaha. bali saja apa adanya.

so today hari kedua dan esok balik rumah. aku ngalih tahap gila babun. nda ku tau apa kan di taip. bungsu jatul sebalah ku pun sedang menaip2 blognya. ntah hapa hapa ntah dalam hotak ku yang babal ani.

aku rindu kau sayang =)

bye. blog ku bau taie, tapi aku nda peduli. sama aku update di Cyber cafe. urang sebalah ku pasang lagu techno. kalau dirumah, ku terajang plg sudah ni =.='

2010-05-07T22:56:00.005+08:00

2010-05-06T15:20:00.002+08:00

lawa jua ah

2010-05-03T23:39:00.003+08:00

An elephant asked a camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?"
The camel replied: "Thats a pretty dumb question coming from someone with a dick on his face"

an old grandmother was dying slowly and couldnt take it anymore, she wanted to speed up by shooting her self, she was wondering where she needs to shoot her for the quickest death and thought it would be the heart, grandmother calls the doctor to ask him where the heart is located. Doctor replies 2 inches below ur nipp......le. Grandmother got sent to the hospital the next day for shooting herself in the kneecap

Question: Why do the french eat snails?
Answer: Because they don't like fast food.

Question: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
Answer: Melt them into a tire and call it a good year.

Chemistry Teacher: ‘‘Can you give me the formula for water?’’
Student: ‘‘H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-.’’
Chemistry Teacher: ‘‘Where did you get an idea like that?’’
Student: ‘‘You told us the other day it was H to O.’’

A very handsome man is drinking at a bar when a girl walks up to him n says: what are u drinking?
Man: magic beer
Girl: what does it do?
Man takes a sip, flys out the window, touches the clouds and comes back
Girl: wow!! I wanna drink magic beer too
Man: bartender, give her what im drinking
Girl finishes the drink, jum...ps out the window, falls and dies
Bartender: superman ur an asshole when ur drunk.

A blonde quickly went out to her mailbox,checked it and went back in the house.Few minutes later she checked her mail again.She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today ...the way you keep looking into that mail box."The blonde answ...ered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

these are just some jokes that i got from omghumor.com page on facebook =)

2010-04-16T17:56:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SAYANG, today is your big day. another year with new experiences, love and great life. its the 7th years that your birthday with me, as a couple. its been great years knowing you and letting you into my life and me into yours. i’m enthralled by your beauty, mesmerized by your charisma and spellbound by your love. no wonder I am always thinking about you.

this year you practically spent the first 10 hours of your birthday with me. its an honor and i'm really happy that i took it. we spent the night on movies and late dinner. we watched 'Semerah Cinta Stiletto'. she actually want to watch 'When In Rome' but i insisted, and i know you won't argue =P. thanks sayang. hehe. its kind of typical date but i think i said this before. everything is fun doing with the one you love, so it doesn't matter if its lame or whatever.

i haven't got her a gift, but i will, soon. insya Allah.

now she's already back home and i'm at mine. and i'm missing her more than i could have been.
once again, happy birthday sayang.

the one-year-older you =p

2010-04-15T13:42:00.003+08:00

Free Flash Games

this is the old scary maze game, i've been watching a lot of people got scared out of their ass, and i played it once. didn't expect its gonna scared the hell out of my shit too.

2010-04-14T11:37:00.002+08:00

i like ghost story =.='

2010-04-08T02:46:00.004+08:00

Aku ingin engkau ada disini
menemaniku saat sepi
menemaniku saat gundah

berat hidup ini tanpa dirimu
ku hanya mencintai kamu
ku hanya memiliki kamu

aku rindu setengah mati kepadamu
sungguh ku ingin kau tahu
aku rindu setengah mati

meski tlah lama kita tak bertemu
ku slalu memimpikan kamu
ku tak bisa hidup tanpamu

aku rindu setengah mati kepadamu
sungguh ku ingin kau tahu
ku tak bisa hidup tanpamu
aku rindu

i miss you, suga mama
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
80 hearts represent a start for forever
HAPPY 80th MONTHSARY.

2010-04-06T16:26:00.005+08:00

hello

my past few days have been dull. i've been spending hours in my room sleeping, onlining, gaming and food, and rarely outside with sports. i don't know why, maybe because of something that happened might ruined my entire future.

i've been spending hours a day with this on my portable playstation. it may looks like an 8 years old game but its quite fun and good and addicting. try this game. you'll know.

and i'll be watching this at the cinema later tonight. i've been wanting to watch this.

2010-03-31T02:02:00.003+08:00

aku tadi beli stoking ini pasal ia lawa.

okehh..atu saja. its 2am already, i'm lazy to brag.

2010-03-29T02:27:00.005+08:00

as usual, i've been missing from updating my blog since my severe laziness struck and due to shortage of time. there have been futsal tournament that we lost in the quarter, an accident to a colleague, some happy moments with friends and family. since i have difficulties to recall them back. something is just not right with my brain at the moment. anyway, i just had a fun date with my girlfriend just now with a simple dinner and a movie. we saw Evolusi: KL drift 2. honestly this movie somehow, change my perceptions a bit about local movie. it shows me that local movie has improved so much since the last one i was at the movie theater which was KL menjerit =.=' long time ago.

it was just a simple date that we usually do, and i just wish that time would stop whenever you're around, girlfriend. i was just imagining that situation is so ridiculously jealous so that we have to be apart for a while =(

aiman: rul rul, makan tani rul..awal ani..
aku: bah bah

that was aiman just now, bawa makan. so i had nasi bungkus and tongking.

anyway, where was i?

yes, the date. actually we've been going out quite a lot since march. we watched Alice in Wonderland, My Name is Khan and the movie just now, for this month. its been quite a lot of quality time i spent with my girlfriend and i'm really glad it all went so well.

right now, its 2:56 am, i'm sure she's sleeping already and i think i, too need to hit the sack. i haven't had enough sleep since yesterday, i'm gonna make sure i'll have one tonight.

i've been thinking. no, i have a feeling that my facebook is getting inactive at the moment and i'm not surprised. i just losing interest in there. i just lost track and not care enough to get back. wth i'm talking about=.=''

kalau ku ingat apa-apa untuk di update, ada ku update tu. macam apa blog ku ah!!

ohh ohh yes.photos =)

I LOVE THIS LAD, RIGHT HERE? AYE? ♥

2010-02-25T19:47:00.007+08:00

DEAR YOU, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS AN ABSOLUTE FUCKER.
ACTUALLY I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, I JUST FEEL LIKE SAYING IT.
AND JUST A LITTLE ADVICE AS SOMEONE WHO I THINK HAS MORE EXPERIENCES THAN YOU ARE: GET RID OF HIM, BEFORE HE GET RID OF YOUR DUMB ASS.
THANK YOU.

HAVE A NICE DAY!!

2010-02-09T14:51:00.007+08:00

hellooo

in 1995, i was only 7 years old, i was one of these cute little boys. heheh. its Sekolah Rendah Piasau-Piasau.

(2000) (then, i've been playing around, and i get a better 'playground' and better 'playmates'. i spent 6 years here, i had my first girlfriend. hehe. i was so little that time that i don't realized that what it was actually means. i had a few girlfriend actually. huhu. so many things in 6 years, i had my first warning letter from the students discipline office. i had yelled at by the teachers, my first fight over a girl, my first class escape, my first school bus ride...this my high school, Sekolah Menengah Sultan Hassan

in 2006 the journey continue to college, well this is where, i first learn to live by myself, on my own. 'friendly people, but people here are to reach fame' - Zulkamal, ex- Mdian. hehe. that's what he said. well i think, there are a lot of circles here, from nerd, athletes, the girls, and bla bla bla...well i belong to the hostellites. heheh

in 2008, i got in one of the universities in Brunei, well it is University of Brunei Darussalam. hehehe. its a lot tougher here, compare to college. everything you do, you do on your own. live, learn and win. i find its interesting here because i never had this experience before. there is one problem..

thats all my school, i was just looking back at how schools have change and shape who i am right now. and wondering what might have been.

2010-02-08T12:05:00.002+08:00

it's 8th again, and it's our 78th monthsary.

you gave me love, your beauty always bring smile to this ugly face of mine.

forever and always.

2010-02-06T12:01:00.002+08:00

Sometimes some shitload just flow out of my head and I write it down. Sometimes I hear things, I write it down. I feel something I write it down. I say something I write it down. Here are some shits that have been playing hide-and-seek in my brain.

well some of them i got from movies and books and i find it interesting to forget.

It comes in many different forms, silent, language, ignorance or act. It is one of human greatest weapons. It hurts you, it breaks you apart and it might even kill you. A weapon, also technically a trigger in humanity against revolution war is known as ego.

Sex is just like a game. You play safe then you’re safe. You play smart then you’re smart. You play hard then it just hit you hard.

Love is what everything about. Sex is just a bonus.
Buddhist called it Karma, Christians called it the Golden Balance, Jews called it….whatever they called it.

Sooner or later you will know that you’re wasting your time waiting for my generosity. I classified you to those communities. Bear in mind that I don’t loathe them. Excuse my imprecise judgment.

My heart is like a tribe on a desert. It gets worn out so that it has to rest. After that it goes on. While your heart is like a speed racer; it goes fast, it hits the rigid wall big time, and then it’s done.

I love you is the cruelest thing to say when you know you don’t.

You can’t imitate someone unless you are that person

Pain encouraged you to make stupid decision. Fear of pain makes you aware of making stupid decision.

Nowadays, the point of living is not based on the thing that you like most. It based on what can make you alive most.

Some people don’t read when they should. They don’t sleep when they could. They would lie to avoid hatred. Don’t hate them because of who they are. Because we are all them.

Mistakes that are made because of the voice that we heard in our head or from our unexpected hunch tend to lead to misery regret. Its time-consuming to heal. But regret also one in ten chances leads to a hiding solution between thousands of words.

In education, try to be the bad guy instead of the hero. Because hero tends to die, and the bad guy scores and win.

It is normal to hear someone say that you’ve grown up fast. It’s a fact that we are really growing up fast, sometimes we show it by acting childish.

You are my super-inter-galactic-goddess-girlfriend.

I always say about people, because people are interesting. Its like a layer of muffin.

My first impression of you is that you’re one hot son of a bitch. My second impression is that you’re a son of a bitch.

When someone says they know you, it’s a lie. They don’t know you. It is worse when they say its going to be okay, when its not or they don’t even sure.

It’s the desperate talking

We are born in two things in mind; to continue the generation and to continue a generation.

Beauty is claimed when it is admitted by itself. The genuine beauty does not have to be claimed at all, whether by itself and others.

I used to wear jeans and t-shirts. Once on an occasion, I planned to wear slack and smart but I ended up with jeans and t-shirt.

Sometimes things are not as bad as they sound

Anger, guilt, desperation and love can be a great defensive mechanism.

No matter how much the truth has been bent, it means nothing without emotions.

Darkness rules out one sense. When the light falls, the others come into play.

I want to make my own decision even if it means my heart will shatter into million pieces and I need every strength I have to put it back together.

I will not walk away for the wrong reasons.

When I’m standing on my own, my own feet, it’s a sign that I’m aware what’s ahead.

Whatever happens next, I just hope that you will always have my back. I need to hear you say ‘I’m proud of you’, ‘you’ve tried your best’ or ‘you’ll get better’. That is all I need, that’s all I ever asked. The rest, I will find my own way.

We are people, we are disappointments and we are not alone

Music is a considerable arrangement of sounds; acceptance depends on the ears and voices. It brings pleasure and momentum of emotions.

I’m doing it old school; caffeine and nicotine.

I’ve been wrong about similes all these times. I thought it was sea miles, but actually it is see me less.

I don’t see anything wrong when I see she’s happy and I’m not

Grin and broody take down loner and cheery.

Seven years ago I was a horny teenager and you were a fifth grader. Age is not just a number, we just forgot.

Human is a paradigm of emotions

At some moments I’m not sure to stop worrying about the others and start on mine

Sometimes when I get lonely, I hold my own hands and pretend it’s someone’s

Once in awhile, some attention would be nice.

Is it true that who we are mixing with, we will become one of them? Because seriously, I mixed with idiots I became an idiot, I mixed with the genius I still became an idiot.

When you’re about to assume yourself to be unlucky to have a bad dad, you might want to reconsider about the others who doesn’t have one.

Some says life’s too short but some says it’s a long journey. Either way, just live your life to the fullest.

A failed person learns one extra lesson than a success person.

It’s amazing how some little things can gather up together to build such a huge solid moment.

Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light, you’ll come back when it’s over no need to say goodbye – Regina Spektor. Got this song from someone that I don’t know, but somehow this song illustrates her.

When you have this wholesome power, the worst thing is that you think this world is yours for the taking.

2010-02-04T21:30:00.002+08:00

Can't you see that I wanna be
there with open arms
It's empty tonight and I'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice I'm gone
Where do you run to so far away

I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

I'm writing again
These letters to you, aren't much I know
But I'm not sleeping, you're not here
The thought stops my heart
Do you notice I'm gone
Where do you run to so far away

I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

No more looking I found you

I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

I'm gone away

2010-01-26T17:09:00.001+08:00

love is the greatest thing and you gave me the chance to live with it

2009-12-01T21:30:00.006+08:00

i'm not so much of a photographer, this is what i got. family-futsal-friendly. hehe. not so much to tell, i like playing with the cousins.

next will be on 16th Dec, against de'Saladin again.

i'm currently at FASS, with the guys, onlining. i've been sleeping all day, so maybe i'm gonna stay up late tonight, but not too late cause i'm going back tomorrow. it supposed to be today, but since it was raining heavily this afternoon so i just decided tomorrow saja. i hope, my friends are already asking when i'm going back =.=

so, been talking about the fun-doing things, how's my revision?? not so well. heehe. trying to start heavily soon.

so, i'm signing off. byeeeeeeeee

2009-11-29T23:21:00.002+08:00

sniff sniff*

okayyy fellas
i already had my paper on 23rd and 25th, it was still hard, rigid, stiff, buduh, palui. hahaha. payah gila. predicted results? unpredictable. haha. next is on 5th Philosophy of Education and after that on 6th, Spanish Elementary which is also the last paper. wish me luck. hmm

after the exam, i spent my time relaxing instead of revising for the next paper. i just can help it! looking at the time, i think i still have time to play around. but some part of me thinks that i'm running out of time. i already read some of the notes. it was...'bearable'. hehe. the rest? still work in progress. i just got back from the sister's house at Rimba. they just moved in last Ramadhan, and last night was the first time i when there. they had a barbecue and my nephew was celebrating his birthday. it was pretty cool, even though i feel like no one there with the brother-in-law's family flooding the place. they are very friendly, i mean very friendly, but i just feel i can't fit in. you know, with their status and with this awangku/dayangku vibes amongst them. they are not arrogant, not at all,but its just me. so i just bailed earlier with my brother whom i think feels the same way too.

ohh, not forget to mention, this year Aidiladha, i went to for sembahyang raya...ALONE. haha. how pathetic am i? it was sad, listening to the takbir, with no one by my side except for a bunch of strangers. hehe. i just forgot why i just didn't go home that Saturday. pity me. huhuhu.

so tomorrow we are going to have a family-futsal-gathering at Harun's gym at BSB. it will be from 8pm to 10pm. i hope jadi. i think so jadi. i can't wait to see the cousins and team up against de-Salladin =) hehe. it was long time ago since i played futsal, i don't even know if i still can run =.='

after the exam the cousins, again, have plan to go to Miri. its a vacation with shopping and bla bla bla. and again, i hope jadi, even though i have critical financial issue at the moment. another option is to spend November allowance and having being in a broke state for the rest of December. and that will be torturous since December means holidays. hoho. i'm officially in a dilemma =(

i'm re-organizing my sleeping schedule since i hit that sleeping disorder period. after all, i need to be in a good shape for my next paper.

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-16T19:23:00.002+08:00

someone has been complaining about my blog being stagnant.

i really have nothing coming out of my mind right now, except for extra class next week on thursday, assignment due on friday and EXAM. these next two weeks will be pretty much hectic and stiff. anything that come in its way will be put aside. i have so far concerned about exams, and what steps are to be taken. i have a song that i have not practiced. i've been downloading and watching dr house. i'm pretty impressed by how cruel and sarcastic he has been, and looking at the bright side how he has been standing on his principle and at the same time saves people's ass.

here is my schedule for the exams, 23rd Nov - MA1103 (discrete maths) in the morning and GE2264 (Brunei Geography) in the afternoon, 24th Nov - MA1101 (Intro to Maths) and followed by PP2203 ( Dev. in Psychology), 25th Nov - GE2265 (Env. Geo), 3rd Dec- LS1401 (Spaninsh Elem) and finally 5th Dec - PF3412 ( Philosophy of Education). Yay me!

i don't want to think what i'm gonna do after the exam, i mean holiday, December. i just can't. LOLs. revision starts soon, so don't expect my cherish, happy mood. HAHA. see you after exams.
=)

2009-11-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

so i'm not on Facebook anymore, i know one day i won't. just want to start earlier. see you guys again soon, somewhere. hehe

2009-11-04T01:21:00.002+08:00

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

2009-10-29T00:14:00.002+08:00

hello.
its 12.14am now, i am so freakin sleepy, with 2 untouched assignments in front of me. both due this monday.
it's just this POE, i never thought its gonna be this hard. the task is to read and understand an article, to write 1500 words report of what's inside it. first of all, the thing that i need is DICTIONARY, cause the article is using pretty 'big' words. well plus my english sucks.
i think another one is easier, about the ocean thing, because i did that one earlier on slides. fuhh..i am so fucked up if i don't submit them on time.
this week, i'm going home. i wish for a good weekend. except that i'm gonna bring all my work and get them done at home. otherwise, i'm going to see someone, and hoping that i can make something out of it. and if by mean make something is to motivate/inspire, yes.
to-do-list this weekend, if possible:
-to fetch projector from my sister, i need them because of what happened last week.
-to see someone and take this person out somewhere.
-to spend some money on something fun ( i seriously don't know how its gonna happen, but i'll try )
-to complete my assignmentS
-to get some of my stuff at home like boots
-to eat and sleep well, this one is crucial

i think sometime blogging is wasting of time, but yet i'm still doing it, occasionally. bye.

2009-10-22T22:57:00.003+08:00

You’re not alone, together we stand
I’ll be by your side, you know I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold, and it feels like the end
There’s no place to go, you know I won’t give in

No I won’t give in

Keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I’m here for you, I’m here for you

There’s nothing you can say (Nothing you can say)
Nothing you can do (Nothing you can do)
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So - keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through

So far away, I wish you were here
Before it’s too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close, and it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend

I’ll fight and defend

Yeeah, yeah

Keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I’m here for you, I’m here for you

There’s nothing you can say (Nothing you can say)
Nothing you can do (Nothing you can do)
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So - keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through

Hear me when I say when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

Keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I’m here for you, I’m here for you

There’s nothing you can say (Nothing you can say)
Nothing you can do (Dooo, do)
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So - keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through

Keep holding on

Keep holding on

There’s nothing you can say (Nothing you can say)
Nothing you can do (Doo, do)
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So - keep holding on (Keep holding on)
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through

2009-10-08T17:43:00.002+08:00

its 8th Oct again, and its our 74th Monthsary (sp). May God bless us.
Love you.

2009-09-29T21:16:00.005+08:00

as you can see, there's something wrong with my blog layout, and i'm too lazy to figure out what's wrong.

2009-09-27T13:41:00.004+08:00

its sunday, and its the last day of this raya holiday. but i decided to extend my holiday. hee. so i'm going back tomorrow instead of today. i just need a day to rest, do my laundry, and i just don't want to deal with the crowds going home today. so tomorrow it is.

last night i went to beraya with cousins and friends and girlfriend. nothing so interesting. we went home at 11+, well for most of us. for me, i reached home at 3.30am, its just that i was avoiding from going home. hehs

i still have assignments to finish, i'm still working on it. its one piece of a pain in the ass. its HARD to even start it. hehe. maybe because of this raya effects. i'll finish it later, like i always do, last minute. all the UBDians are going back to campus soon, not so happy faces for the bummers, hehe. everything will be going back as usual as soon as this raya's vibe ends.

soooo many things to do today. i hope i won't be drifted tonight by any invitation, i have to say no to everything. hehe.

i like this video. its sway by the perishers.

2009-09-18T20:22:00.003+08:00

woahhh..its been one month i haven't update this blog. its been busy. what ah? if i have to recall back, that'll be impossible. what ah? just do it this malas way.

- in Uni, i've been busy with classes, test and assignments.
- Ramadhan has been great, even it is tiring.
- i had a great date with the girlfriend, with movies and roaming around some places.
- i had a test just now, before Jumaat prayer that i escaped today, the test was okay. after that i packed my stuff for one week away Raya holiday.

i'll be back after raya, since my laptop just got fixed from Netcom. i'm happy to see the family around. and and happy belated birthday to the sister.

now i'm at home, i need to get shower. i'm tired and i need to sleep, but i don't think that's gonna happen tonight.

2009-08-21T00:38:00.007+08:00

hello.
its pretty obvious that this blog is getting boring from time to time, after i lost most of my precious time with school and other activities and i started to off-grip enthusiasm on blogging. anyway, after i settled with my examination registration form (the green form) i feel a bit relief and with my schedule already fixed.

this semester i'm studying my major, maths and minor geo as usual. plus some electives, like developmental psychology, philosophy of education and my favorite spanish elementary. i don't know if should scare or not considering the total of 19 units i need to carry this semester. but, on top of all i'm quite excited. one of the reason is that i've been spending my 3 months semester break unproductively at home, and i missed uni atmosphere so much. hehe.

now i'm at home, its saturday and tomorrow we will be fasting. hehe. i feel like it came out of nowhere, ramadhan. maybe because of the time, maybe i'm just ignorant. i can't imagine how it's gonna be spending ramadhan at hostel since i can't barely remember the last time i did. i'll try to make sure that its 'safe' and 'packed'.hehe. but for the first day of fasting month, i'll be at home with the family, having sahur and sungkai with them, i hope.

what else?

oh we jammed.hehe.

21 guns - Green Day, When Did Your Heart Go Missing - Rooney, Blurry - Puddle Of Mudd.

2009-08-11T12:34:00.003+08:00

hello. August 2003 is special month. once, i remembered i was on the phone with this girl that i know from school. we've been friends since May or June 2003 if i'm not mistaken. there's something about her that i think so special to me but i can't figure out that time. so we decided to be a couple on that day. it was friday, 8th August 2003.

8th August 2009, Saturday, it has been 6 years past. we've been through thick and thin, laughs and tears, few fights and some breakups. but we are still together. for me it shows that we accepted each other and maybe fate wants us together. after all these time i finally realized something. i realized i can accept this girl no matter who she is and what she might become.

its been a long a journey, and so much more ahead to come. i hope we can hold each other hands, and walk it through together. and i just want to say happy 6th anniversary to you girlfriend, you're everything to me. you're such an amazing person and a great friend. you teach me to be the person that i desired to be. i love you, forever and always.

anyway, on our anniversary, all the things we did was great. we had a great date and everything with DPMM that night against Woodland, dinner, The Proposal next day and lunch. it was simple but great. you know everything can be fun doing with the person you love =)

2009-08-06T08:47:00.002+08:00

so its been 4 days we are back to school, some of us are still try to settle down with the schedule, because they have clashes in their schedule. and some of them have the clashes for the important subjects. so yeah, it wlike as a busy week for some of us, including me. i'm still searching for suitable electives, with is appropriate with my schedule and my course. i was thinking to take 3d animation, one language and psychology in learning and teaching as my electives cause i want to change my study status from probation to active. but one thing i don't like about my schedule is that i have to attend afternoon class from 2-6 every SATURDAY this semester. yes, every saturday means no going home on weekend except on thursday, which also i have class till 2. this semester gonna be a pain in the ass, i don't know if i can keep my head straight but hell i will try.

this morning i saw my schedule i was supposed to have a tutorial class at the Hall, at 8am. i was freaking late, but when i went there, i saw nothing. no lecturer, no voice, no one. i went back, dropped by the library, where i'm scribble this down, check the lecturer website and it tells me that LECTURE ONLY WILL START NEXT WEEK. LOL. i don't have any clue about that as nobody reminds me. hehe. and now i wonder if the geography tutorial will also starts next week.

what else??

oh yes, i can't wait for this saturday.

2009-07-25T16:33:00.007+08:00

hai.
i've been so lazy to update this blog. i got nothing to say here. i'm a bummer. hehe

let me just do it this way. hehe.

wednesday, 22/07/2009
friendly match between MD 06/07 and SMP UBD at Padang B, UBD sports complex. i came with Ali and his friend and Hadi. Ali fetched me at the jetty at 3.45pm and we headed to UBD, reached there at 4.10pm. Gap, Izzie, Rashid were there. hehe. this guy, Rashid just got back from UK, so it was good to have him with us that day. we've been teasing him with the difference between UK and Brunei, especially the weather and language and everything. so the match started late at 5pm. it was, should i say, fun lost. apaan. haha. kami kalah wah. haha. but it doesn't really matter. we just play. that's it. hehe.

later that night we went to kianggeh, there were 6 of us, i think. we were just talking and telling stories, cause some of us haven't seen each other quite awhile. and after that, we left to see the gerai and jalan2. and eat lagi. hehe.

too bad some of the guys couldn't join us that night. we hang out til 1.30am.

and i just can't wait for next semester to start =)

blind by lifehouse.

2009-07-18T01:26:00.004+08:00

RAMA - Bertahan

Lihat aku disini
kau lukai
hati dan perasaan ini
tapi entah mengapa
aku bisa memberikan maaf padamu

mungkin karena
cinta
kepadamu tulus
dari dasar hatiku
mungkin karena
aku
berharap kau dapat mengerti cintaku

lihat aku disini
bertahan walau kau sering menyakiti
hingga air mataku
tak dapat menetes dan habis terurai

meski kau terus sakiti aku
cinta ini
akan selalu memaafkan
dan aku
percaya nanti engkau
mengerti bila cintaku takkan mati

2009-07-15T23:24:00.003+08:00

helo.
as one of the Bruneian i just want to say SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEPUTERAAN KEBAWAH DULI YANG MAHA MULIA PADUKA SERI BAGINDA SULTAN HAJI HASSANAL BOLKIAH MU'IZZADDIN WADDAULAH YANG KE 63 TAHUN.

this morning a friend of mine cGap called to join him at karangan, but my phone was on silent. but at last i was awake because i could feel the vibration of my phone when it is underneath my pillow. hehe. so i rush to the shower and left home. i went to izzie home first, then we went to fetch Jabby, and to karangan. hehe.

on our way, i was passing by the quarry sites, and suddenly my car tyre just blow off!! =( so i need to pull over and change it. the tyre was like dilapidated like its been cut by a knife. i was shocked at first because if that happened, the car might just slipped of the road. fuhh..it was hot, i think it was 11am, when i was at the side of the road, fixing the tyre with Jabby and Izzie. i think c Jab ada gambarnya. heh

then we went to karangan, met the guys sana. mandi mandi. some of them nda tau beranang. haha. i mean these guys they are so athletic, as in football or any sports but they can't swim. LOL. just a little while of fun, we left because it started to rain like hell. everyone started to pack things up. it was 2pm i think when we left, and lagi lagi malang aku ani. haha. kereta ku tekubur disiring jalan. haha. tapi baik jua ada mereka yang menolong menarik. hoho. this should has a picture, but, since it was raining, no one was photograph-ing. hehe. later we when to Aiman's crib to take some stuff before they left to BSB.

then i had to rush back home, which is far away. if by far i mean really far for catching up with times. i had i friendly match at Selangan, but i have to go back to fetch some of my friends, and the team jersey and my boots. i reached home, get showered and left again. hehe. mcm busy saja. i didn't even had my lunch, because of the time, even though i was really hungry. huh.

the match was okay, since it was a friendly match. the field stature looks pretty good, it was when you're on it. it was raining, we just play on and both team keep on scoring til we didn't even bother to know how many of them. it was freezing out there at the field.

then went home, showered again, and makan and makan and makan. hehe. since i skipped my lunch.

today was simply a rush, that i was unprepared, i was hungry, i was tired. but the thing i regret i didn't get the chance to text the girlfriend. sorry.. sorry.. sorry..i mc her just now but she didn't reply. maybe she's asleep. hmm. so now maybe i should too.

night.
bye

anything at all - tristan prettyman, vulnerable - secondhand serenade, non-believer - la rocca.

2009-07-12T22:53:00.001+08:00

Helo.
I’ve gained new experience tadi. I’ve been babysitting in the afternoon, my little nephew. Apaan. Haha. He’s 3 months old and I find him adorable when the maid is holding him so I decided to take her place when she’s busy doing the laundry. Then it only took me awhile to realize that its hard to just to hold that little guy. Hehe. He doesn’t want to lie down so I need to hold him all the time. Ngalih eh.

So the girlfriend and i are getting back together. Hehe. It was a long story, I don’t want to tell it here. Let’s just say, after what happened, its been much better. And lets keep it that way. Its not like its a happy ending cause we have so much more ahead we have to deal with, but for now it feels so good and I will take this opportunity to earn her trust and be the guy that she deserved. There’s a little bit of me saying that I regret that previous post, cause I think its personal. I asked girlfriend if I should delete that one. She said I could keep it and after that I think maybe she’s right. But after this I gotta make my post a little less privacy about us.

Bye
& I’m happy =)

Kaminari today – the birthday, bitterheart – zee avi, hush hush – the spill canvas, in vain – under the flood.

2009-07-08T19:49:00.006+08:00

hi.
its been awhile. before i decided to blog just now, i've been thinking if i want to rant about what happened this morning. i'm not use to brag about my problems in my blog, because it seems useless and humiliating. but now, i don't have anyone i can talk to, i just want to spill it here. first thing in the morning is the highlight for today. the girlfriend is BREAKING UP with me. i was speechless and numb when i got her text messages. she thinks that after almost 6 years, we never get along, so she decided to stay apart from each other. the thing that she told me, that hurts me the most was not to give hope on her and she said she knows that i'm going to get a better life with someone else.

well this is what i told her. i'm gonna make sure that we are not going to end up here, just like that. it's been 71 months, and the reason for breaking up is just unacceptable. i told her, i don't want anyone else. i want her. like always.

or something like that. she hasn't replied me back, but i wish soon. i just want to know if there's hope for me. if there is, even if it's just a slight through, i will risk everything to take it and use it. so from here, where i stand as a stubborn-head, i won't give up on you easily. even though you just gave up on me. you'll see that i'm the one for you.

i don't know if this is the right thing to do. but i know that this is not how we end

2009-06-29T13:12:00.003+08:00

In 1991, Loque and his Malay College Kuala Kangsar (MCKK) schoolmate, Kadak formed what was then known as Loque's Tail , Loque and Kadak, together with a few MCKK friends, started producing their own material, with the hopes of making a name for themselves in the Malaysian music scene. It is worth remembering that this was during the start of the grunge era which managed to reach the shores of Malaysia in substantial force.

It was while jamming in Kuala Lumpur during 1993 at Black Widow Studios that they bumped into Emmett, who was there jamming (as a guitarist) with his band at that time, Grunge Dayz . Impressed with what he saw, Loque challenged Emmett to a ‘jamming showdown', after which they mutually decided to join skills and creativity, to form their own band. After meeting up with drummer Kalai later that year, Butterfingers was officially born by the end of 1993. And with the final line up of Loque (songwriter, guitarist), Emmett (vocals, guitar, strings and lyricist), Kadak (bass) and Kalai (drums), Butterfingers hit the underground gig scene with such vengeance that had most of their shows sold out and described today as ‘the stuff of underground legends'.

After the released of "KEMBALI" album on August 2008, Butterfingers made several shows to promote their newest album. On 17th and 18th January 2009, they performed for the first and the last time for 2009 at Istana Budaya, Kuala Lumpur that consist of 4 sessions for 2 days. Tickets to all 4 sessions were sold out before the shows and it was a huge success to the band, and a good time to say farewell to their fans as Loque will be going back to Boston. Rumours of the band resting out for a long time spread out from the fans that saying Butterfingers will be back in 2011.

* Emmett - Emmett Roslan Ishak (vocals, guitar, violin)
* Loque - Khairil Ridzwan bin Anuar (guitar, samples, vocals)
* Kadak - Mohd Fakharudin Bin Mohd Bahar (bass, vocals)
* Loko - Mohamad Hafiz (drums)

* Ex:- Kalai (drums) played for 1.2 Miligrams album

helo

2009-06-29T02:26:00.004+08:00

helo.
what day is today?..hmmpph.nevermind
my day has been just typical with coming to wedding for dikir and so on. its my friend's sister wedding. i could say this newlywed is young to be a husband and wife. that's my opinion. hehe. but it was okay. the first thing on the event was dikir, involving the guys from my village. then with guests coming and after that the groom came and so on.

the night before, was malam berjaga-jaga? as usual people coming to hang out and sing by the karaoke things. and so on and so on.

after the wedding, it was 12.30 or 1? the weather was killing me, it was hot. i went straight home after the menikmati jamuan. and i slept after that till 4pm. after that football as usual.

later that night, i went to my friend's house to jam. he has all these stuff, drums set, guitar and bass together with the amplifier. so i came at 9pm. we did a few songs and it was kind of fun. one thing happened that i was playing the guitar, jason mraz song, the one titled i'm yours but my friend didn't know the lyric so he made up one. haha. it was funny, mengalir air liur. haha.

overall it was a mess. haha. but who cares? we just wanna have fun. thats all.
hehe.

flames by vast, all that i've got by the used, one thing for sure by the spill canvas, a clean shot by the myriad.

and selamat pengantin baru to Airol and Nazira =)

that's all.bye

Street

2009-06-24T01:40:00.004+08:00

Helo. ( this is for Tuesday 23/06/09)

My day has been spent by long-undisturbed sleep. Hehe. Nothing much. I was tired because of that. I tried to wake up early in the morning but I just can’t resist the temptation for more sleep. So that afternoon as usual, football.

After football I discussed with two of my friends with about playing street soccer. Yes, street soccer. The problem was to find the suitable place. First we were planning to play at Bangar, we’ve seen this place. It got light and good area, I even text Jab, and invited him to come and play if we go to Bangar, since he lived nearby town. But the problem was we were told that police has been patrolling that place frequently at night. We almost go on with the plan, but at last we decided just to try it at our own village. We have the area but no light around. sorry jab aku lupa bagitau nda jadi. Haha

So just now, I took this spotlight from my house and my friend provided a power generator to light it up. I was eager to try to play, I was trying so hard to make it happen that night. Hehe. So rest of the guys, since they wanted to play it too. So it happened. I don’t have any photo with me now, I’ll upload later. it was great, everyone was being great and fun. Hehe. We started playing at 9+ til 11pm. It was tiring but fun. Hehe.
Later we went to Bangar to buy Nasi Katok, and hang out sekajap.

Now I need to take a shower, and sleep. ZzZzZ

12;59 Lullaby by Bedouin Soundclash, Act Appalled by Circa Survive, All My Life by Foo Fighters, Bittersweet by Sick Of Sarah.

saturday crime

2009-06-21T00:34:00.007+08:00

Hello. (this post is supposed to be for Sat 20/06/09)
Its been awhile eh. So this morning, I went, I mean we went to LIMBANG. Hehe. There were 4 of us, me and my 3 cousins, but one of them had to stay at JPD for driving test. The rest of us were going to a workshop in LIMBANG to get the fuel meter of the car fixed. The car we were driving was a Perodua Kelisa, hehe. The cute one huh. It was made of Malaysia, so we couldn’t find the spare part for this car in Brunei. We went off at 9? Dropped off this one cousin at JPD and when to the immigration, and so on.
We reached LIMBANG at 10+, and intended to go straight to this particular workshop. Before we reached to this place, we went somewhere else, this is the place;

BALAI POLIS LIMBANG.HAHA. On our way to the workshop, we had to go through a ROAD BLOCK by the JPJ in LIMBANG. Unfortunately we had to pull over because my cousin who was driving, was caught not putting his seat belt on. He was asked to go out of the car to be asked by this officer. The investigation scene;

And yes he got driving license. Hehe. He was charged guilty. Woseh..haha. moody tarus anak atu. WOOOO.HAHA. Ani hadiah untuk urang nda pakai seat belt di Limbang;

Bad day went on by not getting what we want, to get the car fixed. We tried every place for the parts, but they said they have to order it first and it might take a week to have that stuff. S##t. ngalih wah, panas lagi. especially at the back seat. i was sweating (-_-“)

Later we went to the shopping mall??.. I was looking for Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak, because I’ve been hearing a lot of comments from the viewers. But I couldn’t find one. Huhu. Jalan-jalan saja, buy some food and went home. Being in LIMBANG also concerned me about H1N1. LOL

Just now I went out with my friends, to eat Nasi Katok and just hang out. 5 of us, in one car. Hehe. The weather was crazy so that we left early and one of my friend needs to do something else…and so on and so on.

I’ve been coughing and it hurts so much, it makes me awake all night. Hmm. Got to quit that thing, that we smoked -_-
Its raining outside and I got laundry to do. Bye

I’ve been listening to some ‘heavy’ stuff:
A Song For A broken Heart by A Static Lullaby, Alive And Kicking by Nonpoint, Be With You by Bobaflex and Anarchy In Uk by Sex Pistols.

further concerns

2009-06-17T02:31:00.000+08:00

as usual, i'm not gonna talk about what i did this morning, because morning just doesn't exist anymore this holidays. hehe. what should i share with you today huh?hmm.. nothing.haha. i just feel like to blog, so yeah.

today the weather was crazy, there was lightning and thunderstorm. we were stuck at home, it was 2 0r 3pm? and out off sudden a lightning struck just outside our house and just burnt a tree! and i don't know what my mom was thinking when she was being outside the house. Subhanallah. she was there, just nearby the tree and of course she ran in. and she looked terrified, absolutely. marah tarus the sister arah mom. hmm.. thank god, nothing happened.

after that a friend called me about the results were out today, and he was kindly enough to check it for me. i told him i'll send him my registration number so he can find my results. so i did. after that he texted me. and i passed. hehe. my result was not so good but better than i expected for some of the subjects. i got C as an overall. and my sister got B, as usual better than me. yeah, i'll never beat her, i know. hehe. but still i'm grateful.

after that as usual, i went to jog and football.

i was jobless just know that i spent my time sorting my mp3 by alphabet. how lame was that? hehe. i didn't expect that i'll spend like an hour on that one. hehe. i'm gonna sleep soon. i'm expecting for a better or funner tomorrow. sigh.

oh, yesterday gf told me that she got into an accident. i was freaked out like hell when she told me that. she wasn't driving actually, her sister did. it was just a minor, she told me. thank god she was fine. i haven't seen her yet and i'm a little worried.

that's all

sweet talk- Cute Is What We Aim For, fences - Paramore, paint pastel princess - Silverchair, cute with the E (cut from the team)- Taking Back Sunday

ugly green

2009-06-13T02:04:00.001+08:00

I was awake by my mom this morning because it was already late; I was supposed to go to the mosque for Jumaat prayer. It was 12.45, so I ran to the shower.

After the prayer, I didn’t went straight home, instead I headed to the nearest gas station cause my car need fuel for tonight. The gf asked for company later that night to watch tug-of-war at the sports complex, so I need the car to be ready by tonight. So I went to the gas station, it was freakin’ hot and when I went there, the station was DAMN CLOSED. Buduh. Haha. They were reloading fuel from the tanker to the pump or anything I like that. I could see that some cars were waiting at the side of the road. I couldn’t wait. I left for another station at the town which is kilometers away. My fuel was low, and I was tired, I was hungry. I was pretty sure that this next station was open, and when I got there… IT WASN’T. fyi, there are only two gas station in Temburong. And today, they were kind enough to close it when I need it. I wasn’t so sure if my car can go on for me to get home, so I decided to wait at the side of the road. I waited and after 5 mins I texted Jab, I told him about the situation and I asked him if I should wait or not. He said, they wouldn’t open till the next day?? Haha. I was cursing all my way from the town to the first station that was closed, and LUCKILY it was open when I get back there. Hehe. I did a lot of curse today. Hmmphh.. Before I went home, I bought some snacks and drinks at this minimarket at the side of the road. And something funny@stupid or idk happened. Hehe. The total of my stuff was $8.10 and I paid $10.00, and when I was searching for a 10cents in my wallet, this lady at the counter already holding my change. I was expecting, $1.90 cause $8.10 + $1.90 = $10.00. duh. And she gave me $1.10? i was like, WHAT THE FUCK? I don’t mind about the money, it was only 80cents shorts, but how can she not realize that? For me it was too STUPID. But I remain silent. Hmmm..darn that lady
Actually I was at my at utmost mood to stay at home rather than to watch a bunch of guys pulling a rope at both ends, but a friend came at short notice asking me to come with him, so i can’t just say no. so I wasn’t driving, there were four of us, we were late. The parking was already packed; we had to park like a kilometer from the sports complex. So yeah, we just enjoyed the match, as much as we enjoyed watching the crowd. I met a friend from uni, we talked for a while. Then I looked for gf and when I saw her I clandestinely tickled her from her back to surprise her. hehe. We talked a little then i left her for a while to take some photo,

and after that I tried to approach her back but when I got back, she was surrounded by her guy’s friends with their ugly green shirts. Hmmphh. So I decided to leave her with them. Honestly I am merely disgruntled by those guys. They were from this organization or something like that.
We went to buy some foods before we went home; I was being quiet all the way home. I don’t know why, I was unease. Maybe I just need to sleep it off.
My day was supposed to be fun, but I just like to spoil it. I don’t know if someone can understand what I’ve been mumbling about in this post. And with that I cursed everything today =/

Hands down – dashboard confessional, don’t confess – tegan and sara, spitting games- snow patrol,my heart- the perishers.

all day

2009-06-09T21:36:00.000+08:00

this is a post for the few days past, today and idk, for the next few weeks...my day has been extremely, unbelievably and sadly typical. hehe. is that the right way to say it. i have, things that i want to do but for now ifeel like living in a nut shell. i move slowly, i think like an idiot, i fell sick and i sleep and eat like no other human in the planet could do. i stayed up all night and slept all day. sometimes i don't sleep at all. this is so unhealthy. hmmphh..,,

beautiful one - jonny lang
feeling a moment - feeder
further - longview
empty apartment - yellowcard

and i like this one, state championship baby!! =)

heartbeat -jose gonzales

bye

i will come to you

2009-06-03T21:19:00.000+08:00

Hanson is an American pop rock band from Tulsa, Oklahoma. they we an epidemic for teenagers back in 1996, with their debut album Middle of Nowhere. my sister was a big fan of this band, especially the lead singer, Taylor. i was surprised when i found out that i actually have one of their songs in my iTune, titled, ' I Will Come To You ' and it was fairly...good =) these are some parts of the lyrics;

When you have no light to guide you,
And no one to walk beside you,
I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy,
You won't have to reach out for me,
I will come to you,
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days,
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way,
Have no fear when your tears are fallin',
I will hear your spirit callin',
And i swear that i'll be there come what may...

And so on...hehe.

I've been sleeping all day, because of what happened yesterday. thats why i don't mention anything about me this time. Hehe. Lame me.
Thats all, and one track for today. hehe =)

aged, sunshine

2009-06-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

this is the first day of these long term break that i woke up as early as 6.15am. i was supposed to send my brother to jetty. he could have left the car at the jetty so that i can bring it home later, because he knew that i never wake up early during holidays. eventually i insisted. one reason is that i don't him to do what he did last week to my car. so i woke up and somehow i felt hyper or something. i feel fresh breathing the morning air and my mind feel so clear. before we left the house, mom asked to do something. you know what, she asked to buy vegetables at the market, or should i say 'tamu' and she asked to look for cooking oil. hehe. actually i didn't want to do it, but, since i already turned her down with the wedding things last week, so i thought, what the hell. haha

so i dropped my brother at the jetty, went straight to this tamu. the funny thing is that, when i started to look for the freshest vege, i felt like my age stepped up wildly to 50, i felt old. hehe. the place was a little less clientele, except for few couples of these oldies. of course i could see some of them gazed at me and thinking "is this boy lost or what?". you should see their faces. haha. after that i left for this particular cooking oil at the nearby shop, but i couldn't find one. i couldn't stand surveying the places so left and went straight home.

it was 8am when i reached home. usually i'm still stucked in my bed at this time. like i said, i wasn't feeling tired at all, even though i noticed that sometimes i worn out easily, but it wasn't like this. maybe i was too excited to feel the morning and everything about. after that i've been lynching boredom with rounds of foods, video games, dvds and mp3s. and i didn't fall asleep. hah =)

the gf text me, about i've been acting, about the jerk i've been lately. i was trying to fill in my responses with simple solution and some commitments to settle things down. yeah, i know, i'm a jackass. we've been off the track, but i hope we'll manage to patch things up.

i had a lot of thing on my mind this morning, probably because of the sun, but somehow maybe i cracked my head along the way through the afternoon, so i guess that's all. hehe. i knooow, my life's boring. wondering where am i heading from here, where is life when i need it. hmmmph. no tracks for today, just random. bye

sunday and wedding

2009-05-31T11:44:00.000+08:00

so today i woke up early, despite the fact that i slept quite late last night, which i think at 3am, think so.......mom asked me to accompany her to someone's wedding, but i insisted. i gave everything that i can possibly think of to stay at home.hehee.cause i don't really go to the wedding. i don't hate wedding, i just hate the idea of dealing with the heat and waiting for the groom to come so that the event will be completed. i don't know so much about wedding (-_-)

so i didn't go to the wedding, instead, i went to my former school with cousins to go online. hehe. its illegal actually, but we just did it. hehe. the school has changed so much, for good. i mean the facilities, books and everything. i wish we had something like these back then. but no regret, we made it through, at least most of us.hehe..apaaan

i have nothing else on my mind right now. just few songs, food and counting the holidays, and money and the german jersey that i gave to someone. LOL.

bye.

2009-05-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

i had a dream last night, it was totally weird and out of this world. in my dream, i was having a vacation with friends to KL. we had fun there, but to get back to Brunei, we had to swim all our way through the sea. haha. i told you its weird, and its getting weirder when we actually did. we swam and we had to check in our passport in this so-called island. when i was swimming, somehow i managed to get hold onto my pockets, where i kept my passport, wallet and cellphone, cause i was worried they gonna slipped away. haha. so we got onto this island, and then, Knock Knock on my door. it was 7.30am when i burst away from my dream, or nightmare, or whatever it is.

this morning my brother left home for work and he'll be away till Thursday. he was driving my car and he left it at the jetty because he's leaving the town by boat. the sister and i supposed to bring the car back later. i mean, i was supposed to bring the car back. my sister just gonna send me to the jetty. but, when i woke up this morning, they told me that something happened, i wasn't so sure what happened but i'm pretty sure that my brother must hit his head really bad, till something's wrong with his brain. he left my car at the jetty, for the safety sake, it was locked and i appreciate him for that, BUT he locked the car with having the key still inside the car. hahahaha. maybe he was in hurry, i don't know. the first thing came up to my mind was, he ruined my plan for today. i was supposed to see gf, cause there's something we need to do. thats not really the point, the things is, i kind of promised her. i can't afford to break another promise. but sadly i did. there's already a lot of them that i have to make it up to her. hmmph. i put up a brave face to tell her about the situation and for all the fortunate things in the world, she was ok with it. thanks. hehe.

so i had to find the spare keys for the car, and thank god i found one. we went to fetch the car, but i decided to see gf tomorrow. i went straight home and watched dvds, then football then blog. i had my dinner just now, but i think i'm gonna grab something else to eat later cause i skipped lunch today. tomorrow i'll see gf. i don't want to promise this time, cause i can't afford to break another one.

i've been listening to these all day;

Be Yourself - Audioslave, Way Too Long - Audiotraffic, The Funeral - Band of Horses, Light Up Ahead - Further Seems Forever, Further Now - Ten Second Epic

thats all for now. bye

past & future

2009-05-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

since its holiday, i have nothing much to say, cause interesting activities are limited in my hometown. but i've been thinking about what i've left behind and what i'm gonna deal with for the rest of my life. it had been a long thought that i came up with a conclusion that i am pretty scared of whats waiting out there. i mean, after school. life as a kid is easy, when sex is no-no till our hearts catch up with our hormones, but still in advantages, there are other things we could do. after that, life changes, as far as i know, faster than we could ever imagine. its so fast, that i've a feeling that some of will not be ready at all. we are going to hold agains our tasks and responsibilities which will pile up over our strength. our quest for good choices will be easier back then, i guess. i just think sometimes its easier to our bad past which hurts us with its fangs and claws, rather than to expect our future without aim and prediction.

2009-05-20T00:39:00.000+08:00

hey its me again.idk why i'm feeling bad for some reasons that i couldn't explain, some reasons that i can't understand even. some things that is happening right, sometimes i imagined it the other way round. good and bad. sins and saints. right and wrong. sometimes i looked past of it, of everything. i've been thinking 'what if' of everything. can things went way off better than it did before?

home madness

2009-05-19T15:34:00.000+08:00

i woke up early this morning just because of something happened, something stupid. the family were arguing over something outside my door, so that i had to interrupt them. it just weird, when i need that time to sleep, there goes something in a way. i had to wake up from my bed and stop the madness in front of my door. ridiculous. haha. now i'm going currently with her, she needs some help for her coming written test, i think next week. i can ask her, cause she's sitting next to me right now, tapi malas kan kacau.hehehe.i din't know what i'm gonna do later, cause holidays simply SUCKSSSS!!!!!!

buye

2 months ahead

2009-05-14T16:51:00.000+08:00

hai..its been a while ehh...i've been spending few days with badminton, lepaking and a lot of sleep.hehehe.its after exams, what could it be. last night i was really tired sampai tetidur2 arah tv room, entah apakah usulku tidur ah. the rest were watching Man Utd vs Wigan at Qayum's. then tadi i woke up really late, took a shower, went straight to the canteen with the boys for lunch. my life is getting bored and i'm considering for this coming 2 months without doing anything.huhu. cousin text me for the futsal tournament on 25th. hmm..i've been npt doing futsal for a while, ane kan ikut tournament tia.hmm..antam saja lah.haha.krg malam kan jaolan lagi ne with si Jab, hangout macam biasa saja. and looks like raining, and i have a laundry to do. have to run.buye

early yesterday

2009-05-11T12:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday as in Sunday, i supposed to wake up like in 6am because i need to leave hostel by 6.45am with my brother and my sister BUT i woke up late. they were already there waiting at the hostel parking when i was still in my dream.so i panicked, i look like a zombie when i left. i thought we were going to go home by car, unfortunately we were not. we went home by boat, when i was stinking sleepy. haha. we got home by 8am, and we were waiting for the rest to come. oh, we were having mother's day celebration, that's why everybody is eager to come home. and i glad i did.heheh. we had fun, because each and everyone of my siblings were there. a lot of food, and i got the chance to see my new nephew, Ammar. hehehe. a friend text me where i am and when i'm leaving. i replied him, he didn't reply me back.weird that guy.i promised someone to see her that afternoon.but i didn't, and really sorry for that because after the celebration ,i slept until 9+pm cause i was tired. and when i woke up, i when straight to the kitchen, cause i was hungry.heehe.i slept that afternoon like a mummy.zzzzz

it was tiring, the next morning, as in this morning, i have to wake up early, AGAIN. its all because i need to go back to the hostel with my brother in law, to pick things up from my room. gila, i was supposed to have a good time after the exam, not being tortured.haha. so we reached UBD at 8am, i packed my stuffs which was a lot of them. didn't see that coming. i was expecting, "oh, not so many things to pack", before. when i packed everything, it was a lot. it was really tiring. i was sleepy, i was tired and i was sweating. hmmp. after that i when to the canteen to get something to drink, and off to bed.zzzzzz

hol hol holaday

2009-05-09T20:52:00.000+08:00

i just finished my exams this morning, after i had communication skills exam. it was........UNEXPECTABLY HARD. damn eh .exam hall lagi sajuk macam winter.gilaeh. macam ada paip wah dalam hidung ku wah. macam baie usulku siruk2 ingus menjawab soalan ah.it was a 2 hours paper. correcting grammatical error, comprehension, and essay writing. ok. drop it, i dont wanna talk about it.

later we went to see MD league 2009 final, Sportivo vs HBFC. it was ok, HBFC should have won but they just didn't. they lead the score in the half time but Sportivo level during second half. finally penalty shoot out to break the tie. and HBFC lost. sigh. they really should have won.

i went back to UBD, and grab some food, and went straight to my room. sister text me asking if i want to go back home tomorrow with her, to celebrate mother's day. she said she's leaving at 6.45am.entah ah, i think i should come, since i haven't spent much time with mama since she came back from KL. i think i'm gonna go, but i have to wake up early morning.hmmp...

i'm really tired now, like really. but i think i'm gonna stay up late again.hehe.i feel like i wanna being emo saja tonight.ok.

buuye

last day

2009-05-09T00:25:00.000+08:00

now i'm revising for my last paper tomorrow.yes, i am.

actually not, i am not revising.hehe.i just read through, nothing much. me and friends are going to do something tomorrow, something fun maybe. won't tell you now. esuklah.esuk my paper is communication skills. i don't wanna to aim for anything now, bacause i don't know whats gonna happen.

ok thats all. i go now.
buyeh

GE 1105

2009-05-07T06:37:00.000+08:00

morning. GE 1105, today.hmmp.i haven't finished everything yet, but what can i do. salah sendiri jua aher blajar.huhu..as usual, i stayed up all night, but it wasn't enough, not even close, not even in the neighbourhood of close. i just read what i think gonna come out later in the exam. and with only few case study.gagar tah ku nah.hehe.i'm totally worn out, i can collapse anytime soon.today someone is coming home from KL, safely i hope.its been a week she's away.

i just want to finish this GEO exam, cause later whats left is communication skill.eaasssyyy.hahaha.i want to go out badly, but for now i have to keep it for this semester sake. damn eh.batah jua hols.i can't wait to pack my stuff and go home.

oklah, i need to get shower, and get fresh. exam!!!! yahooo...here i come*sarcasm*
buye

zombie

2009-05-06T11:12:00.000+08:00

i just had my computer programming exam just now. it was obviously hard, and i don't know if can pass even. but i have to get over it, cause tomorrow is Geography exam which concerned me much. i got a D for my presentation, E for my essay and a ? for my class test. wth? there's must be a mistake cause i did the test. it doesn't matter anyway what i got for the test, even an F. i just need to know. i have to do a 110 % effort this time for my exam. now i feel like to spend some money on anything.hehe.stress much. and i need to sleep, cause i havent sleep at all last night. its been two nights this week that i spent wide awake. iwas spending my time to concern rather than to revise.haha.wasting.i think i need to do some research for my geography case study, cause i think its important. if i fail this time, kill me, all right?

what a day

2009-05-06T05:33:00.000+08:00

i've been sleeping for all the day except for lunch and dinner. my head feels like spinning, and it hurts so much. tomorrow, i'm going to have computer programming exam tomorrow. it should be about excel and LOGO and ass. and fyi, its not ass as in ass.it is "attention seeker students". it is just some kind of robot programming behaviour. i hope its going to be just good, cause i've been spending times on this topics. i've download some songs. they'll be in my recently played lists. they are "tiger lily" by The Matchbook Romance, "Windows" by Ten Second Epic and "Appreciate" by The Spill Canvas. Greaat songs, all of them =) and i'm going home next week..yaaay!!!..hahaha..got a lot of plans for the 3-months-holiday. i hope i'll do something great these coming hols=)